


Through Blood and Name

by PhaiFan



Category: Alexander (2004)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-08
Updated: 2017-10-08
Packaged: 2019-01-10 16:55:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 15
Words: 20,331
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12303465
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PhaiFan/pseuds/PhaiFan
Summary: Alexander's right to the throne is in danger with the threat of a pure blooded Macedonian heir, and Hephaestion discovers that the hardest part of their exile might be going home.





	1. Chapter 1

Alexander was still seething with anger, tight lipped and eyes narrowed. He had spoken not a word, but merely rode in silence, his gaze focused on the road in front of him. The tension emanating from him was palpable, enough so that even Bucephalus fidgeted and tossed his head nervously as they rode.

Hephaestion glanced sideways at the angry prince, but wisely decided to leave him to his thoughts for the time being. He had never seen Alexander this upset before. Alexander was beyond livid, and rightfully so. More than that, he was hurt. Betrayal was not something the he dealt with well, nor was he accustomed to it. The fact that it had come from his own father…Hephaestion could scarcely imagine how that would have felt.

His head was still spinning with the events of the previous evening, and he was quite angry himself. Alexander was his best friend and his beloved. Any act against him was an act against Hephaestion as well. Though he had spent the hours since then trying to keep Alexander calm, truth is he had wanted to strike down the offending parties and make them pay. He could not afford to display his own anger for numerous reasons.

Hephaestion looked back at Olympias, riding just behind Alexander. Her face was a mask, revealing very little of her feelings, but her initial reaction to the whole wedding fiasco was one of shock and outrage. She had not spoken either for the last couple hours and, like Alexander, her gaze was fixed straight ahead. The grim set of her mouth belied her agitated mood. As with Alexander, Hephaestion prudently chose not to speak to her for now.

His mind flashed back to the banquet and the disaster that had resulted from it. Perhaps the wine was to blame, but the sentiments revealed there were real, of that he was certain. Philip and most of the others in attendance had all been quite drunk, and Attalus had indulged in more than his fair share. Alexander had, thankfully, remained sober. He had decided that he needed to keep a clear head, which rather surprised Hephaestion. He had thought that Alexander would have wanted to drown himself in his cups to temper his nerves about the whole affair, but was now grateful he had chosen not to do so.

Alexander had put on a good face and was playing his part dutifully until a drunken Attalus had stood to give his blessings to the nuptials. Hephaestion still could not believe the words that had come from the man's traitorous mouth. Alexander's reaction had been swift and completely understandable. The comment was bad enough. What was worse, and what Hephaestion still could not wrap his mind around, was the King's own response. Rather than jumping to his son's defense, Philip had reprimanded Alexander, and then had drawn his sword at him when the prince refused to back down. Hephaestion thanked the gods that the King had tripped. If he would truly have tried to kill Alexander he did not know. All he knew for certain is that Alexander had been betrayed and repudiated by his own father.

So, here they were. Alexander had decided immediately that he had to take his mother and leave Pella. He had told all of them to stay behind, that none of them were involved or would suffer any consequences, but his closest companions had rallied to his side and refused to leave him to travel alone. Alexander's exile was now theirs as well. Hephaestion knew what was at risk. He knew his career might be over and his place in the royal court was most likely finished as well, but no matter. Where Alexander went, he went. He would have followed him to Hades and back and would have accepted any circumstance, even if that involved living as a fugitive or mucking out stalls somewhere. Without Alexander, his life was meaningless. To be with him was everything.

Hephaestion heard a sniffle and cast a worried glance at Alexander. A single tear ran down the prince's cheek, which he brushed away angrily. Hephaestion longed to gather him into his arms to comfort him, but that is not what Alexander needed just now. He needed time to digest everything and work it out in his mind. Hephaestion knew that soon enough Alexander would want to talk about it, and he would be the one to face the furies when all the pent up emotions finally surfaced. And they would.

He heard Ptolemy and Nearchus talking in hushed tones from just behind him. Harpalus and Perdiccas followed behind them, exchanging nervous glances from time to time, but remaining solemnly quiet. They had been riding since just before first light, heading out while it was still dark as not to attract attention to themselves. They had packed the bare necessities and only enough food for two day's ride since they would reach Epirus by midday tomorrow. It had been a very long and tiring day. The emotional strain was far greater than any physical fatigue they might have felt at this point, but between the two the entire group simply felt drained.

It was a great relief when Alexander raised his hand and brought them to halt early in the evening. "Let us stop and make camp here for the night" he stated, his voice hoarse and his tone flat. He had chosen a sheltered area among a grove of trees, near a stream where they could bathe and get fresh water. In silence, tents were raised and bedding laid out for the night's rest. Ptolemy got a fire going and Harpalus went to fetch drinking water. Nearchus and Perdiccas tended to the horses, making sure they were fed, watered and tethered for the evening.

Hephaestion watched as Alexander stood off to the side, quietly conversing with his mother. He had his issues with Olympias, but he honestly felt bad for her right now. She had been publicly humiliated and put aside in favor of Philip's new wife. Regardless of what Hephaestion thought of her, she had not deserved that. He set up Alexander's tent and set everything out for him that he would need. He would normally have laid out Alexander's favorite copy of the Iliad, as he liked to read from it before bed, but Hephaestion figured that he would not be in the mood for that this night. He also did not presume that Alexander would want company this evening, so he grabbed his gear and began to set up his own tent. He jumped at the hand that was laid on his shoulder.

"What are you doing, Hephaestion?" Alexander asked in a quiet voice.

"I am setting up my tent for the night, Alexander."

Alexander shook his head. "Don't." He turned and walked away, finding a place beside the fire to sit. He accepted some dried meat and fruit from Harpalus, and poured himself a cup of wine.

Hephaestion watched him. The prince had dark circles under his eyes and his shoulders slumped as he sat staring into the fire, lost in thought. It broke Hephaestion's heart to see him like this, and he wondered how long it would be until the inevitable meltdown occurred. That, he knew, was going to be ugly. He sat down next to Alexander and picked at his food. Alexander gave him a half-hearted smile and leaned against his shoulder. They ate in silence.

Finally Alexander spoke. "My friends, we probably should discuss our situation, but I do not have it in me right now to do that. For tonight, let us just rest. Tomorrow night we will be in Epirus. Perhaps then I will feel more like talking. As to this evening, I think I am going to retire to my tent. I am exhausted, as I am sure you all are. Thank you for coming with me. It means a great deal to me." He stood and looked at his closest friends. "Health to you, my friends. We ride out after first light." He reached a hand out to Hephaestion, who took his hand and let himself be pulled to his feet.

"Health to you all. Rest well." Hephaestion said quietly, then turned and followed Alexander into his tent. He was too tired to give much notice to the glare that Olympias shot in his direction. He closed the flap of the tent behind him and turned to Alexander. "What is it you need from me, my prince?"

Alexander shook his head, willing himself not to cry. "Only your presence, Phai. I do not wish to talk tonight. I simply want you with me. Please, come and lie down with me."

They stripped their dusty garments off and washed quickly with the bowl of fresh water that had been left for them. Alexander slid under the thick fur covering and held it open for Hephaestion, who slid in beside him. Hephaestion spooned behind Alexander, enfolding him in his arms and tangling their legs together so it was hard to tell where one ended and the other began. Hephaestion kissed Alexander's hair and held him close. "Sleep well, my Alexander. Remember that I love you, and I will always be here for you."

Alexander merely nodded, not trusting his voice to speak. He snuggled back against Hephaestion and fell into a restless, troubled sleep.

Hephaestion lay awake for a long while, softly stroking Alexander's hair and wishing he could ease the frown that he wore even in his sleep. Tomorrow would be another difficult day, but they would face it together. Finally, Hypnos claimed him as well.


	2. Chapter 2

They broke camp and rode out, arriving in Dodona shortly after lunchtime. As expected, King Alexander of Epirus greeted Olympias warmly.

"Welcome, sister. Joy to you, and to you all" he said, addressing the group behind her. While he was glad to see her, he felt a bit apprehensive after she explained the reason for her visit there and the fact that she wanted to stay. He owed his throne to Philip, and the last thing he wanted to do was get caught in a battle between Olympias and the man who left him in power here.

He was slightly reassured when he learned that Prince Alexander and his entourage would only be staying a day or two before they rode north towards Illyria. With Philip possibly still angry with Alexander, and Alexander understandably upset with his father, he feared it would reflect badly on him if it was perceived he was siding with the prince by taking him in. Politics made everything so complicated.

King Alexander had agreed to send one of his men ahead to Illyria with a message from the prince, explaining the situation and requesting asylum there. Alexander did not plan on waiting for a response. He had merely wanted to give the Illyrian King a heads up so they would not be surprised at his visit and would not think it was any sort of act of aggression. He felt certain that King Pleurias of the Autariatae would allow them to stay, especially knowing there were possible advantages in his doing so. Again, politics played a huge part in all of it.

The King had rooms readied for his guests. He set Olympias up in the palace, giving her the best accommodations he had to offer. He had rooms for the others in a wing on edge of the palace. The rooms were not as fancy by any means, but were comfortable and roomy. It was all they needed for their brief stay.

They all shared their evening meal together. King Alexander had lots of questions as expected. Even though Alexander hadn't really wanted to talk about his father or the aftermath of the wedding, he felt he owed it to his host to explain it all in brief. The king seemed sympathetic to the young prince, but after hearing all the details of what had happened, he was even gladder that they would not be staying. No, he had no wish to risk angering Philip. Bad enough that Olympias would be there, but she was his sister and he would never have turned her away.

Alexander had been calm and very matter-of-fact when he described the events of that night, but Hephaestion knew inside he was still a storm waiting to happen. He just hoped he was able to bear the brunt of it when it hit. Everyone decided to retire to their rooms for the night. They were quite tired, and it would be nice to sleep in a real bed instead of a cot.

Alexander and Hephaestion entered the room that had been assigned to them. There was a big brazier burning in the middle of the room which took the chill from the night air and lit the place with a warm and inviting glow. A carafe of wine and two cups sat on a small table along with some fresh fruit. Their baggage had been brought in and materials for bathing put out. There was only one bed in the room.

Hephaestion cocked an eyebrow and looked from the bed to Alexander. "Assuming a lot, isn't he?"

Alexander chuckled softly. "Everyone was assigned two to a room, Phai. I made sure you were put with me, of course. Unless you'd prefer to sleep with Nearchus or Harpalus…"

Hephaestion smiled. It was nice to see even a hint of humor from Alexander. "No, I think this will do nicely." He drew near to Alexander and pulled him into his arms, searching his troubled face and taking note of the haunted look in those dark eyes. "I love you, Alexander" he said quietly before kissing him gently. He released him and stepped back. "Come on. Let's get ready for bed. I know you are as tired as I am."

They bathed in silence and shared a cup of wine, both lost in their thoughts. Hephaestion climbed into the soft bed and watched Alexander as he put out the brazier, leaving only the light from the full moon to cast a bluish glow to everything. Alexander turned towards him, and Hephaestion could see, even in the dim light, that his eyes shimmered with tears. "Come here, Alexander" he said softly.

Alexander lay down on his side, facing Hephaestion. He looked into Hephaestion's eyes as they glittered in the moonlight. He felt like he was on fire, and if he didn't do something to calm himself that the fire would consume him. His breathing was harsh. "I need you, Hephaestion" he said in a low voice.

Hephaestion knew what Alexander needed, and he was prepared to give it to him. "I will be anything you need me to be, my Alexander. I am yours."

At that, Alexander grabbed him roughly and captured his mouth in a bruising kiss, pinning his shoulders down on the bed. His hands were rough as they traveled over Hephaestion's body, his caresses far from gentle. His kisses were hard, almost desperate in their intensity.

Hephaestion accepted the rough treatment willingly. He knew Alexander needed this, needed him, to calm some of the fire that burned in him. He allowed him to do whatever he wanted and, when Alexander finally took him, it was hard and fast. Hephaestion knew he would have bruises tomorrow, but that did not matter. When Alexander found his release he cried out, then collapsed on top of Hephaestion and wept softly against his neck. Hephaestion stroked his back and held him close as their breathing returned to normal.

At length, Alexander sat back and searched Hephaestion's eyes in the dim light. "Did I hurt you Phai? I am sorry…"

Hephaestion pulled him back down to lie beside him. "Hush, Alexander. Do not apologize. I love you, and I am happy to give you whatever you need of me. Now sleep, my prince. We have much ahead of us still."

Alexander kissed him gently and smiled. "I am so lucky to have you, Hephaestion. I need to talk this out, but I cannot do it yet. Rest well, my love. And thank you."

Just as the previous night, Hephaestion held Alexander close until he fell asleep. And as before, he lay awake a long while keeping watch over his troubled friend. He wondered what sort of reception they would receive in Illyria, and how long they would stay there. He wondered if they would ever go home to Pella again, or if Philip would come after them. He worried for Alexander greatly. He had been caught up in the drama between his parents for as long as he could remember, and this only made matters much worse.

Worse yet, Alexander was now faced with the possibility that he might not be Philip's successor, at least not if Attalus and Eurydice had any say in things.

What the future had in store for them he could only guess. All he knew was that he would be by Alexander's side no matter what.


	3. Chapter 3

Hephaestion woke to find Alexander already up and pacing the room, quite obviously agitated. Hephaestion sighed. Not the best way to start the day, he thought.

"Alexander, what is wrong?"

Alexander stopped in his tracks and glared at Hephaestion. "Wrong? What could possibly be wrong, Hephaestion? Everything is perfect! Just wonderful!" he spat in a very sarcastic tone.

Hephaestion was taken aback by the nasty response and, after a moment of shock, glared back at Alexander. "That, my prince, was uncalled for. Do not take your anger out on me!"

Alexander sighed. He looked down at his feet and rubbed his tired eyes before turning a sheepish gaze on Hephaestion. "I am sorry, Phai. You did not deserve that. Forgive me. I just…I do not know…Oh damn it, Hephaestion. I have no idea what I am trying to say." He walked over to the bed and sat down on the edge, reaching for Hephaestion's hand. "I need to go and speak with my mother. I am truly not in the mood, but I must."

Hephaestion nodded. "I know, Alexander. You may as well go and get it over with. I know you two have much to discuss." He sat up and took Alexander's face in his hands before giving him a gentle kiss. "I will be here when you get back."

Alexander stood and smiled at him weakly. "Thank you, Hephaestion. Pray for me. I may need it."

"Done. Now go."

Alexander left, closing the door behind him. Hephaestion sat on the side of the bed, staring at the closed door. He wished by all the gods that Alexander did not have to speak with Olympias. Under normal circumstances it put him in a bad mood, but now…he shuddered to think what this would be like. He would never say it to Alexander, but he did not trust Olympias and knew that she would try to play Alexander against his father somehow. He had a really bad feeling about this.

****************************************************************************************************************

"No, Mother! I will not hear it!"

"Alexander, you know I am right! Think about it. You can use this to your advantage. You can make your father pay for what he has done! You are the rightful heir and you know it. That old goat knows it as well!" Olympias stood, hands on her hips, her eyes narrowed in anger.

Alexander turned on her, his eyes blazing. "That old goat is still my father. I will not be a pawn in your power struggle with him! No, Mother, I will not listen to this any longer!" He stomped to the door and left her rooms, slamming the door behind him.

He was livid. He knew she would do this, had expected it, but it still tore him apart. Tears filled his eyes and he strode blindly back to his quarters. He entered the room and slammed the door behind him with such force that a painting hanging on the wall crashed to the floor.

Hephaestion had been sitting at the desk, writing a letter to send to his father when Alexander stormed in. He looked up, wide-eyed, as the firestorm that he knew had been brewing was about to be unleashed.

"Damn her!" Alexander shouted. He picked up a vase from the small table and threw it with all his might, smashing it into bits against the wall. It was followed by a bottle of oil whose contents now dripped down the wall onto the shards of broken pottery.

The guards outside the door burst into the room but froze when they saw the furious prince, wild-eyed and breathing hard, glaring at them. "Get out!" he screamed at them.

One of them looked towards Hephaestion, who nodded.

"Leave us" he instructed them. "I will handle it."

The grateful guards quickly left the room.

Alexander wheeled around and stared at Hephaestion. His face was red and tears coursed down his cheeks. Hephaestion knew there was nothing he could do at present but let him get this all out. It needed to happen, and he had been waiting for it. He only hoped that Alexander didn't throw anything in his direction.

"Will it never stop, Hephaestion? Will they ever stop using me against each other? Is it not bad enough that my own father turned on me, and now my mother wants to use me to get back at him for divorcing her?" Alexander paced the room, his hands clenched into fists. "Damn them both!" he yelled.

Hephaestion knew better than to try to talk to him. His job right now was to be a sounding board and a calming presence. He sat quietly, knowing the storm was nowhere near over.

"Do you know what she wants me to do, Hephaestion? Do you? She wants me to conspire with the Illyrian king and organize a revolt against my father! She wants me to be a traitor to Macedon! I cannot do that! She wants to be in control, through me. That has always been her ambition I think. She wants to control me and use me!" He paused, catching his breath. "Does she think I am stupid? I am not going to be a pawn, and I will not do it! Her issues with my father are between the two of them. Does she love me so little that she could use me that way? She is my mother! How could she?"

Tears continued to run down his face. Hephaestion ducked as Alexander picked up a goblet and launched it across the room.

"And my father, Hephaestion! By the gods, my own father…how can he turn against me? He stood there and let that man call me a bastard, and say that I was not a legitimate heir. He let him insinuate that I am nothing more than a barbarian bastard child, not worthy of the throne. I am his son, Hephaestion! His SON! Does he defend me from such slander? NO! He orders me to apologize! Me! Apologize to that son of a dog! By Hera, I will never apologize!" Alexander was shouting, his voice echoed loudly enough that no doubt anyone close to their room had to hear.

He stopped pacing and looked intently at Hephaestion. "He drew his sword on me, Hephaestion! He was going to kill me! I am his SON! How could he?" His voice caught on a sob and his voice lowered to just above a whisper.

"Why, Hephaestion? What have I done to deserve this? How could he hate me so much? Does he think I am a bastard as well? My mother is always saying that he is not my father…that Zeus is my father. Does he really believe I am not his son? Has she poisoned his mind against me?" He drew a shaky breath and looked at Hephaestion with tears pouring from his eyes. "Why? I do not understand. How can they do this to me? Why?" his voice faltered and he looked down at the floor, his shoulders slumped in defeat.

Hephaestion knew that was his cue to step in. He got up and crossed the room without speaking and pulled Alexander into his embrace. He stroked the soft blonde curls as Alexander sobbed against his neck. His cries tore at Hephaestion's heart. He wept along with Alexander, his heart breaking for his beloved, yet at the same time he felt anger boiling within him at the ones who had caused such hurt. He would have gladly killed them both at this moment if he were able.

Alexander clung to Hephaestion as if his life depended on him, which perhaps it did. "I love them, Hephaestion. Despite all this, I still love them. I just do not understand."

Hephaestion kissed the top of his head and rubbed his back soothingly. "Nor do I, Alexander. I wish I had answers for you, but I do not. It is wrong of them to put you in the middle of their dispute. It is tearing you apart, and I do not understand any more than you how they cannot see that." He cupped Alexander's face in his hands and gently brushed the tears away with this thumbs. "I am truly sorry, Alexander. I wish I could fix this for you, but I cannot."

The firestorm seemed to have burned itself out. It was replaced now by profound sadness and unimaginable hurt. Hephaestion truly wanted to kill Olympias and Philip both for doing this to the son they supposedly loved. He kept his thoughts to himself.

Alexander pulled away from Hephaestion and walked over to the desk, sitting down on the edge of it. He seemed calmer and his tears had ceased. In their place was a look Hephaestion knew well. It was a look of determination, one he often wore when he had made up his mind about something. "We are leaving here in the morning, Hephaestion. I see no reason to stay any longer. Would you let the others know please? I have something I need to take care of."

Hephaestion nodded, thankful that Alexander was calm at least for now. "Yes, Alexander, I will go and speak with them now." He walked to the door and turned before he went out. "Let me know if you need anything. I will return shortly."

After he left, Alexander sat at the desk and pulled out a blank parchment and picked up a stylus. He had unfinished business to attend to.


	4. Chapter 4

After their morning meal, they packed their belongings and readied for the trip ahead. It would take them a couple days to reach Illyria and they packed accordingly. King Alexander made sure they had plenty of food, wine, and anything else they might require for their journey.

"Mount up, my friends. It is time to go". Alexander looked at the group of his closest friends and felt very fortunate to have them. He did not know if he could have done this alone. Most likely not. He walked over to where the King was standing and addressed him.

"I thank you for your hospitality, Uncle. I will remember your graciousness." He paused briefly. "Look after my mother, please."

The King nodded. "I will, Alexander, do not worry. I wish you a safe journey. Health to you all."

Alexander swung up onto Bucephalus' broad back and glanced over at Hephaestion. "Let's go".

Olympias had not come to see them off, which Hephaestion thought was odd. Either Alexander was still too angry with her to see her, or he had already bid her farewell. He was not sure, and Alexander did not seem inclined to talk about her right now.

They rode north towards the kingdom of the Illyrians, hoping their reception there would be a welcome one. The people of that region still lived in tribes, some on the coast with its rugged cliffs, and some in the lowlands with its lush valleys. Alexander knew the way to Illyria, but was not exactly sure where the King's castle was. No matter, he thought, he would get help from the local peoples to find it.

They traveled for a day and a half, passing through some smaller villages who had directed him towards the coast and King Pleurias. Alexander had been relatively quiet, but did engage in conversation with his friends and even laughed from time to time. In fact, he seemed oddly detached…something that secretly worried Hephaestion. He was not sure what was going on in Alexander's head, and he really hoped it had nothing to do with his conversation with Olympias. Alexander had not wanted to talk about it, so Hephaestion finally dropped the subject. He supposed he would find out soon enough what Alexander was thinking.

Not surprisingly, Alexander's companions were concerned.

Alexander and Hephaestion rode side by side, a short distance ahead of the others, so they took the opportunity to talk.

Nearchus voiced the thing that was on everyone's mind. "Okay, I will be the first to say it. I am apprehensive. Think about it, my friends. There is bad blood between the Illyrians and Macedon, and we defeated them in battle only a couple short years ago. Why would Pleurias be willing to take us in as guests? It would seem more likely that he would take us captive, or kill us outright."

Wise Ptolemy considered this. "No, it is in his best interest to grant us asylum in his kingdom. First of all, it would be foolish of him to take any action against us. He would bring the wrath of King Philip and all of Macedon upon himself. I doubt he wants to face the Macedonian army in battle again."

Harpalus shook his head agreement. "True, but that makes me wonder why he would risk allowing us to stay there, even as guests. What if Philip takes that as a sign that they are conspiring against him?"

Perdiccas eyed him thoughtfully. "You mean 'they'…as in Alexander and Pleurias?"

"Yes, that is exactly what I mean. I could see how Philip might think that. What would stop him from attacking the Illyrians if he thought there was any chance of a rebellion against him?"

"Alexander", Ptolemy stated simply. The others looked at him, unsure of his meaning. "Alexander is what would stop him."

Nearchus looked puzzled, as did the others. "What do you mean?"

Ptolemy glanced towards Alexander and Hephaestion to make sure they were out of earshot before he continued. "Philip might be angry with Alexander, but I doubt he wants any harm to come to him. I do not think he would put his son at risk by attacking the Illyrians. You forget that Pleurias would have a bargaining chip against Philip. And that would be Alexander. Any act of aggression by Philip, and Pleurias would simply have to threaten Alexander's life to stop it, whether there was any conspiracy between them or not."

The others agreed that made sense. "So it seems that we are to be guests of the Illyrians after all" Harpalus stated. The idea still made him nervous.

Ptolemy looked towards Alexander as he rode ahead of them. "I have faith in Alexander. He is smart, and he knows what he is doing. He would not place us in any danger that he himself is not willing to face. I say we just trust him."

They all agreed to that.

*********************************************************************************************************************

Towards the end of the second day, they saw two riders approaching them from the north. Alexander lifted a hand to halt them. "Wait here" he ordered, and rode out alone to meet them. Hephaestion made a move to follow, but Alexander shook his head. "No, Hephaestion. Stay here with the others. Keep everyone on alert, just in case."

Hephaestion was not happy at all about that, but he did as ordered and remained with the others. He watched Alexander converse with the two men and did not see any signs of anything beyond civil conversation.

Alexander turned and rode back towards them, leaving the two men waiting behind him. "These men were sent by Pleurias to escort us to the castle. He sent greetings to us all, and welcomes us into his kingdom. It appears we have nothing to fear, my friends." He smiled at them. "I told you there was nothing to worry about, didn't I?"

"Aye, that you did, Alexander" Hephaestion smiled at him in return. He felt guilty for having any doubts about him at all.

"Come on, let's follow these men to our new, and hopefully temporary, home." Alexander took off at a trot, with the others right on his heels.

Hephaestion kicked his horse up beside Alexander. "I am sorry I doubted you, Alexander."

Alexander frowned slightly as he glanced at his friend. "I did not know that you had."

Hephaestion looked embarrassed. "Aye. I did, at least a little. I think this whole situation just has me on edge. I should have known you would have it all under control, just like you always do."

Alexander shook his head sadly. "No, Hephaestion. If I had everything under control, we would still be in Pella and none of this would be happening at all. If I had things under control, my mother would not be in Epirus trying to stir up trouble." He sighed heavily. "She wears me out, Hephaestion."

"You never told me about your conversation, Alexander. What did she say to you exactly?"

"I will tell you this evening, Phai. All of it. Right now I want to concentrate on meeting up with Pleurias and making sure that all goes smoothly." He reached over and patted Hephaestion's shoulder. "One thing at a time, my love."

As they approached the gates of the walls that surrounded the castle, Alexander had to admit to himself that even he was a bit nervous. He felt a bit better, however, when upon entering the gates Pleurias himself was there to greet them. He was flanked by several of his bodyguards and servants ready to attend to his guests. The King smiled at Alexander.

"Greetings, Prince Alexander. Welcome to my kingdom, all of you. You will be my honored guests here, you have nothing to fear. I apologize that I do not have an adequate place in the palace for you to stay, but I have arranged suitable accommodations for you just inside the city wall. I think you will be pleased."

The men exchanged looks. Perhaps this was not going to be so bad after all.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alexander needs a distraction from all the bad things in his life, and Phai is always there to help.

The estate given to Alexander and his companions for their stay in Illyria was more than adequate in their opinions. The dwelling consisted of a series of smaller rooms they would use as bedrooms, and two larger rooms, one of which had been set up as a dining hall. A staff of attendants had been assigned to their new home, along with several guards. Hephaestion was not sure if the guards were there to protect them, or to keep an eye on them. No matter. They had nothing to hide.

There were enough rooms that each man had his own bedroom and toilet area. The rooms were furnished with comfortable looking beds, a desk and chair, and a table. Alexander was given the larger of the bedrooms, naturally. Hephaestion took the room adjoining Alexander's and was unpacking his things when Alexander breezed into the room and dropped down onto a chair.

"What do you think you are doing, Hephaestion?"

Hephaestion paused and looked up at Alexander. "What does it look like I am doing, Alexander? I am unpacking!"

Alexander nodded. "Yes, I can see that. But why are you doing it here?"

Hephaestion stopped and stared at Alexander for a moment, wondering if he was reading his meaning correctly. "…because this is my room, Alexander."

Alexander stood and walked towards Hephaestion, a slight smile on his lips that Hephaestion was quite happy to see. "You don't plan on staying in here, do you?"

Hephaestion smiled back. Okay, so they were going to play a little. "Well, where else would I be staying, my prince?"

Alexander took Hephaestion's hand and pulled him through the doorway that joined the two rooms. This room was larger and nicely decorated, with a very large bed in the center. "You could stay here, if you wanted to."

Hephaestion grinned. Alexander was flirting with him. It was nice to see this side of him after the events of the last week. "There is but one bed, Alexander. Where would I sleep?"

"Who said anything about sleep, Hephaestion?" Alexander grabbed him around the waist and pulled him in close.

Hephaestion gasped and opened his mouth to respond, but was quickly cut off by Alexander's lips crashing into his own. After a breathless moment they broke the kiss.

Alexander nibbled on the side of his neck and tugged his earlobe with his teeth, causing Hephaestion to break out in goose bumps all over. He spoke softly against Hephaestion's neck, his warm breath sending shivers down the brunette's spine. "I am meeting with Pleurias after our evening meal, but right now I need a distraction. We have some time…."

"Time for…what?" Hephaestion panted, his fingers digging in to Alexander's waist. "Are you trying to seduce me, Alexander?"

Alexander gave him a predatory smile and ground their hips together suggestively. "Hephaestion Amyntoros! Has anyone ever told you that you talk entirely too much?" He backed up against the bed and pulled them both down onto it, leaning over Hephaestion and kissing him thoroughly. "Now, let's see if we can find a way to kill a couple hours."

Hephaestion happily agreed.

**************************************************************************************************

The others were seated at the table having their meal when Alexander and Hephaestion entered the hall. After greeting everyone, they helped themselves to plates of food and filled their cups with wine. They sat down with their companions and began to eat, sitting side by side with their shoulders touching from time to time as they ate.

Sharp eyed Ptolemy rarely missed anything. He grinned at them. "You two seem….relaxed."

Alexander laughed. "Yes, I am. It was nice to get some…rest."

Hephaestion looked at his plate and blushed, which made the rest of them laugh as well.

"Oh, come on Hephaestion!" Alexander teased. "We are among friends. It isn't like they don't already know about us."

"Oh, we know alright" Nearchus grinned. "We all heard you. If there was ever any doubt, you certainly cleared that up for us!"

"Could we please change the subject?" a still embarrassed Hephaestion grumbled.

"Okay gentlemen, we have picked on poor Phai enough. I suppose we should discuss our current situation. I would like to hear your thoughts on everything, if you would care to share them." Alexander looked around at his friends, encouraging them to speak up.

"I have a question, Alexander" Harpalus spoke hesitantly. "Do you think leaving Pella was really the right thing to do? Or is it making your situation worse?"

Alexander did not follow. "What do you mean?"

"Well, I understand that what Attalus said was insulting and that your father only added further insult, but…" Harpalus paused, "I wonder if your absence is actually making it easier for them to displace you. You know…out of sight, out of mind?"

"He may be right, Alexander" Perdiccas stated. "If you chose not to return, they will simply go on without you. And what if Eurydice has a son? Granted it would be some time before he was old enough to be a threat, but a threat he would be. A pure blood Macedonian heir, just as Attalus said."

Alexander frowned. "And if I return now, I will look like a whipped pup, running home with my tail between my legs. That I cannot do."

Ptolemy nodded. "I agree. You cannot go back right now, but you cannot stay away indefinitely either. I think we need to give this some thought before we make any decisions either way. Ultimately, Alexander, it is up to you. We can only offer our suggestions."

"And those are much appreciated, my friends." Alexander sighed heavily, his light hearted mood from earlier had disappeared. He pushed away from the table and stood. "I must go and meet with Pleurias. Get some rest this evening, gentlemen. It has been a difficult week and I know you have to be exhausted. We can talk more in the morning. Health to you all!" As he turned to walk away, he paused. "Hephaestion? I would like you to come with me."

Hephaestion was surprised. "But, I thought you were meeting with the King? I was not invited to this meeting."

Alexander shook his head. "I want you there. I will tell Pleurias that you are my counsel, and that anything said to me can be said to you as well."

"If that is what you wish, Alexander, I will come." Hephaestion rose and followed Alexander out. He was not sure how the King would feel about his presence, but Alexander had made up his mind, and that was that.

Alexander gave Hephaestion's hand a quick squeeze before they entered the palace. "It will be fine, Phai. You will see."

Hephaestion trusted him. He nodded and released Alexander's hand. "Okay, I am ready."


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Pillow talk and plots

Alexander and Hephaestion were lying on their sides on the big bed in Alexander's room, facing each other. The meeting with Pleurias had been fairly uneventful, but Alexander was still slightly troubled.

"I don't trust him, Alexander. He is hiding something, I can feel it. What, I do not know. What do you think?"

"I don't know, Hephaestion. He seems friendly enough, but I cannot shake this nagging feeling that he has something brewing in that head of his. I am sure he would love nothing more than to find a reason to stir up the surrounding tribes against my father."

Hephaestion agreed. "No doubt. I am also quite sure that he thinks having you here can be used to his advantage. That should not surprise you."

Alexander sighed and picked at the edge of his pillow. "No, it does not surprise me. That is what my mother wants, by the way. This very thing is what we fought about before we left Epirus."

"I figured as much. I noticed that she did not come to see you off when we left. What really happened between you two?" Hephaestion asked.

"We did not leave on the best of terms, Phai. I told you what I think about her…that she wants to rule…through me. She seems to think she can manipulate me to achieve her own goals. Oh, she definitely has an agenda, and making sure I am heir to the throne is a big part of that. Sure, she wants it for my sake, but that isn't the bigger part of it I suspect." Alexander frowned. "She encouraged me to take action against my father. She came right out and said I should conspire with the Illyrians to revolt against Macedon. I told her I refused to do that. She practically had a meltdown" His voice rose slightly as he grew angry. "She actually called me a fool, Hephaestion! I am many things, but am NOT a fool!"

Hephaestion reached out and touched a finger to Alexander's chest. "No, Alexander. That is one thing I would never consider you to be." He smiled slightly, wishing to ease some of his anger. "A bit impulsive at times, perhaps, but never a fool."

Alexander gave a slight smile in return. "And that is exactly why I need you beside me, Phai… to keep me from making an ass of myself. And to keep me from making decisions without thinking things through. Like now. I need some time to figure out what I am going to do from here. I fear I am going to feel pressure from all sides here and everyone is going to want me to do something different. I will have to decide the best course for us to take."

"How much trouble do you think your mother is going to stir up? I don't think King Alexander would dare move against your father. After all, he is the one who put him in power there. I am sure your mother will try to pressure him, though, just as she will try to do with you. Where did you leave things with her?"

Alexander sat up and tossed a pillow across the room, obviously quite agitated. This was a sore subject with him. "At first I stormed out and told her I refused to be a pawn in her power struggle. After I left I thought of many things I wished I had said to her, but was too angry to say them. So…I wrote her a letter and left it for her. I am quite sure it made her furious, and that is no doubt why she didn't come to see me off when we left Epirus."

Hephaestion had plenty of thoughts of his own about Alexander's harpy mother, but he prudently chose to keep them to himself. It was one thing for Alexander to say things about his mother, but quite another for someone else to do it. No, he was certainly not going to let Olympias be a point of contention between the two of them, though Hephaestion was sure she would have liked nothing more. Alexander was unaware of the nasty looks and snide remarks she directed towards him, and he would leave it that way. Alexander had enough to worry about already. Besides, it was nothing he could not handle.

"You know…" Alexander began, "Harpalus and Perdiccas were right."

Hephaestion wasn't sure what he meant. "About what?"

"About me being away from Pella. About being 'out of sight and out of mind'. I cannot go back right now, but I will have to do it eventually."

"How long do you plan on staying here, Alexander? Have you given that much thought?"

Alexander shook his head. "I really do not know. I suppose it depends on circumstances and how things play out." He sighed. "That is enough thinking for tonight, Phai. My brain is tired." He slid a hand up Hephaestion's arm and threaded his fingers through his soft, long hair, leaning over to press a soft kiss against his lips. "The rest of me, however, is wide awake."

Hephaestion smiled and kissed him back. "Well then, Alexander, let's take advantage of that."

It was a long while before either of them got any sleep.

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Hephaestion had been so exhausted that he had fallen asleep within minutes of their lovemaking. Alexander woke early the next morning, but decided to let his beloved sleep. There was, after all, no big rush to do anything.

Alexander frowned slightly and paced the room. What the hell was he supposed to do now? It was not like him to sit idle and he did not handle boredom very well. He needed something to do to keep himself out of trouble, as Hephaestion would no doubt say. That made him smile. The man knew him far too well. He decided to go and get some breakfast and leave Hephaestion to his rest. He took a moment to watch Hephaestion sleep. He was so beautiful, and even more so when relaxed like this. Alexander felt the stirrings of desire in his body, but shook it off. No, he wanted Hephaestion to rest.

He dressed quietly and carefully pulled the door closed behind him when he left what had now become their room. They had dropped all pretense of staying in separate rooms. No one really cared anyway.

His friends were already eating their breakfast when he entered the room, and he greeted them all warmly. "Joy to you, gentlemen! I trust you all slept well?"

"I most definitely did" Ptolemy answered. "I think we were all worn out." He took note of the small bite mark on Alexander's shoulder. "It would seem that some of us got more sleep than others, though. Isn't that right, Alexander?" He winked at him. "Where is your companion?"

"Hephaestion was still sleeping. I decided to let him rest a while longer."

Ptolemy smiled. "Perhaps he needed to recover his strength. He may need it later" he teased. The others laughed.

Alexander laughed along with them. "Enough of that, Ptolemy. Leave me to eat in peace, will you?"

After a short time, Hephaestion wandered into the room, still yawning. "Gods, I am starving!"

A grinning Ptolemy took the opportunity to continue his teasing. "Worked up an appetite, did you my friend?"

Hephaestion stood with his hands on his hips. Not much point in denying anything. "As a matter of fact, yes. I did. Jealous?"

Just then a servant entered with a scroll and delivered it to Alexander. "Prince Alexander, this is from King Pleurias."

Alexander thanked the boy and read the letter.

"Well, gentlemen, it seems our problem of what to do with ourselves is solved. Pleurias has invited us to take training and conditioning with his men. We may begin when they practice maneuvers after lunch today. That is good news. It will keep us from becoming fat, lazy slugs. But be alert and keep your guard up. I am not convinced there is not some hidden agenda here, but we will accept their offer to train with them. Keep your ears and eyes open. Perhaps we will learn something."


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The upside of exile

Days turned into weeks. The young men practiced and worked out with Pleurias' men, wrestled and raced each other, doing anything to keep them fit and active. They had been treated quite well, but Alexander was restless. He did not like being idle in any sense of the word.

King Philip, of course, knew exactly where they were and no doubt had men on alert for any sign of trouble from the Illyrian tribes, or from Epirus where Olympias still resided with her brother.

Hephaestion had sent letters to his father and to Aristotle, and Ptolemy had written to Thais. They had not received responses as of yet, and hoped that their letters had been received. They did not know if Philip was monitoring their correspondence, but most likely he was.

Alexander had received two letters from his mother. Both times he had been in a foul mood after reading them, and had once slashed his pillow to shreds with his dagger in a fit of anger. He allowed Hephaestion to read the letters along with him, and it was no wonder he was angry. Olympias was still pushing Alexander to take some action against Philip and continued to encourage him to conspire with Pleurias. Her letters were full of disparaging remarks about Philip and little jabs at Alexander, subtly accusing him of not having the balls to stand up for himself. That did not go over well at all.

Each time Alexander had received a letter from her, Hephaestion had been on the receiving end of angry, rough sex. Not that he minded all that much. Since they had been in exile here, they had made love practically every day. There were no not-so-subtle hints from Olympias that he and Alexander needed to cool their relationship or end it outright. There were no prying eyes, no need to demonstrate "proper" behavior, and no one to judge them. The companions that had accompanied Alexander in his exile did not mind in the least and took great pleasure in teasing the pair mercilessly. The result of their activities was that it kept Alexander a bit more relaxed than he would have been otherwise.

Hephaestion was simply ecstatic. He had his Alexander all to himself and could freely show his affection for the prince with no repercussions. He knew it was foolish to become used to it, but it was hard not to. He tried not to think too much about it. He was not naïve enough to think it would be like this forever. Eventually, they would have to return to Pella, and everything would change. He had no idea where things with Philip would end up, but he dreaded the thought of dealing with Attalus and the possible fallout if Eurydice happened to have a son. Also, they were not boys any longer, and Hephaestion knew that pressure would soon be on Alexander to find a wife and have an heir of his own. It was not right, but he could not help it; he felt selfish and jealous about that.

Hephaestion vowed to reap the benefits of whatever time they had in exile together, while helping Alexander cope with the situation and supporting him the best that he could.

**************************************************************************************************

It was a sunny, warm day in early summer. They had spent time working out and training and were now spending the rest of the afternoon relaxing. Alexander had wanted to write a letter to his mother, reluctantly, but he needed to keep in touch with her. He retired to their room to write in peace.

Hephaestion had no desire to sit around watching Alexander write and listening to him grumble about his mother, so he decided it would be nice to go to the beach for a while. He packed a blanket and some wine and retrieved his horse from the stable. Their dwelling was high up on a cliff, overlooking the coast below. They had been to the beach many times, often the whole group of them, to have their own private little parties, drinking and laughing and engaging in some horseplay. It was easy to forget the troubles of the day when they were there like that.

Hephaestion smiled to himself as he navigated the narrow path that led down the rocky shore to the sandy beach below. He missed Pella, and he missed his family, but at times like this he almost wished they did not have to go back there. Here he was free. They all were. They were free to just be themselves, and do whatever they wanted to do. He had never been able to spend this much time with Alexander back in Pella, but now…they ate together, slept together, bathed together, read together, and made love whenever they wanted. Which was often.

He galloped his horse through the surf, a feeling of joy in his heart. Finally he stopped at his favorite spot on the beach. He tended to his horse, then laid his blanket on the sand and poured himself a cup of wine, which he drained quickly. The waves looked very inviting, so he stripped off his chiton and waded in. The water was warm and soothing, and he swam and floated on his back, absorbing the peace and tranquility of the place. After a while, he walked back up the beach and stretched out on his stomach on the blanket. The warm sun felt so good on his skin, and soon he fell asleep with his head cradled on his folded arms.

He was not aware that he was being watched.

Alexander had finished writing his letter and went in search of Hephaestion. He was tired of thinking about their situation, his parents, Pleurias, all of it. When one of the grooms told him that Hephaestion had taken his horse and ridden off to the west, Alexander knew exactly where he was going. It was a place they both went to frequently. He jumped onto Bucephalus' bare back with only a simple halter to guide him. It was no problem. They had been there so often that the horse knew the way.

He had rounded a rocky outcrop when he saw Hephaestion walking out of the water, pausing to shake the water out of his long hair. He eased the horse to a stop and simply watched him. Alexander didn't think he had ever seen anything more beautiful in his life, and it took his breath. Hephaestion's body was long and lean, with well defined muscles. His skin was smooth and tanned from hours in the sun. His hair had been kissed by the sun with streaks of red gold through the darker strands. He moved with a grace and ease that was unlike any other Alexander had ever seen. He smiled. He was completely, head over heels in love with the man.

At times, such as these, it was easy to forget about the troubles at home. He had to admit he loved the freedom he had here a great deal.

Hephaestion lay sleeping on his blanket, so Alexander took the opportunity to sneak up on him. Leaving Bucephalus tied up behind the rocks, he eased his way across the sand towards the sleeping man. As he reached Hephaestion's side all he could think of was how badly he wanted to touch him, yet he hesitated to wake him. He knelt down beside him and reached his hand to brush a strand of hair away from Hephaestion's face. Suddenly he found himself on his back and pinned to the ground. It happened so quickly that he wasn't even sure how Hephaestion had done it.

Hephaestion now knelt over him, grinning down at him. "Did you really think you could sneak up on me, Alexander?"

Alexander laughed. "It seems not." He reached up and ran a fingertip down Hephaestion's chest, causing goose bumps to rise on the other man's skin. "You look beautiful, Phai." His eyes darkened and narrowed and a seductive smile curved his lips. "Very desirable."

Hephaestion rolled them over so that Alexander was lying on top of him and pulled him in for a deep kiss. Alexander sat up and released the pins that held his chiton at the shoulder and let the fabric slide from his body, tossing it to the side. He leaned over Hephaestion and began to lick and nibble his way down his body. "Yes, you look delicious, Phai. I think I just may have to taste every inch of you."

Hephaestion closed his eyes and moaned softly as Alexander proceeded to do just that.

He knew it could not last forever, and that soon they would have to return to the reality of home. At least for the moment, their exile seemed more like paradise.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Concerns and concealments

The weeks had turned into months. It was late autumn now. Alexander had been increasingly restless and agitated of late. They had all noticed it. Alexander had also had a few meetings with Pleurias that no one, not even Hephaestion, had been a part of. More disturbing to them was the fact that he had not told any of them about what was discussed or what exactly was going on. He was not even sharing it with Hephaestion, which was not like him at all.

Hephaestion had been quite happy living with Alexander and sharing a room with him. He and Alexander shared everything, or at least they had until recently. Alexander's recent moodiness had at first worried Hephaestion, but now it made him angry. Something was going on and he had no idea what. Alexander wasn't talking.

It was late in the day. They had been practicing close combat tactics all afternoon on their own, since the Illyrians seemed to have decided it was a good idea to start something up with Macedon again and were occupied elsewhere. After their physical training, they had all taken a late supper. Nearchus, Perdiccas and Harpalus were playing knucklebones and sharing some wine, and Ptolemy had retired to his room to write another pining letter to Thais. They had barely begun their relationship when he had left with Alexander. Alexander had disappeared, again, without a word to anyone.

Hephaestion was frustrated and angry, and a little hurt. He didn't understand why Alexander was hiding things from him, and he didn't like it. After bidding good evening to the others, he returned to the room he shared with Alexander and lay down on the bed. He crossed his arms behind his head and lay staring up at the ceiling. There had to be a reasonable explanation for Alexander's behavior. Previous attempts to get him to talk about it had only ended up with them quarreling about it, so Hephaestion had stopped trying. A person has to pick their battles, and this was one he was not going to win. He frowned and punched his pillow. His patience could only go so far.

He knew about Olympias' constant nagging at Alexander, so there was nothing new there. He knew that Pleurias had mysteriously chosen this time to launch a rebellion against Macedon. No coincidence there he thought. He knew of several new developments back home in Pella, one of which was bound to weigh heavily on Alexander's mind. He was not sure what else was going on or what Alexander was trying to keep from him.

He did not understand why Alexander had closed himself off and refused to discuss whatever was wrong with him. Hephaestion at first thought it was perhaps something he had done, but he knew that was not the case. If he had angered Alexander, he would have been quick to tell him. No, it had nothing to do with him in that way.

He knew he could get Alexander to talk if he made him mad enough. When he lost his temper he loosened his tongue. That was, however, a tactic Hephaestion was not going to use unless he felt it was absolutely necessary.

He sighed heavily. Something had to give soon. It was driving him crazy.

***************************************************************************************************

Alexander was frustrated, angry, upset, and felt more than a little guilty. He felt like he was being pulled in ten different directions at once and without Hephaestion's wise counsel, he had no idea what to do. He had kept a part of his discussions with Pleurias to himself in an effort to not worry Hephaestion, but the result was that his Phai was angry with him and hurt.

As with the whole situation, Alexander felt completely at a loss as to which way to go. Pleurias had been hinting around at conspiring with Alexander, and had already instigated a rebellion against Macedon. If Philip thought Alexander was involved in it, he did not know.

The Illyrian army had been pushed back and the rebellion effectively squashed by Philip's troops, but he had gotten word that his father had been injured in one of the skirmishes and was only saved by Pausanias throwing himself in front of the king and probably saving his life. That in itself was a whole other story. Alexander wondered what would have happened if Philip had been killed. Surely they would have called him home, as there would have been no other to take the throne and no question at all as to his succession. They certainly could not have given the throne to Arridaeus!

He knew his mother would have been thrilled if his father had been killed. It would have put things exactly where she wanted them to be and give her an opportunity to take charge, at least in her own mind. Alexander would not have allowed her to do that, though he knew it would be an uphill battle all the way to try and keep her under control. For multiple reasons, he was glad that his father had survived.

Olympias had been relentless in her attempts to push him into taking action against his father. She talked like King Alexander was willing to go along with it, but Alexander had his doubts. He still could not see the man going against Philip, since Philip is the one who gave him the throne there in Epirus. Olympias could be very persuasive, though, and was not above using blackmail and coercion to get what she wanted. Alexander loved her, but he had no allusions as to what she was capable of.

And then there were the letters he had received from Pella. The ones from Aristotle and from Leonnatus had been quite informative. And disturbing. The one that surprised him the most, though, was from Demaratus of Corinth, who was a friend of his father. He was not sure how he felt about that at all. Was it possible to reconcile with Philip? Perhaps, but on what terms?

Alexander sighed. He was going to have to tell Hephaestion everything before it caused too big a riff between them, and besides, he needed his advice. There were decisions to be made and he trusted Hephaestion's judgment. His Phai was one of the wisest men he knew.

He also knew Hephaestion was going to be unhappy about some of it, but it was unavoidable. He had put it off as long as he felt he could. No, he had to lay the cards out on the table now.

He made his way back to their room. They needed to talk.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Revelations and forgiveness

Hephaestion was sitting cross-legged in the middle of the bed, reading a letter he had just received from his father, Amyntor. Things in Pella had become interesting to say the least. If Alexander was aware of everything, which Hephaestion was sure that he was, it would certainly explain his behavior of late. It did not, however, explain why he had not shared any of it with him. He knew there was much more going on than what was happening at home. He figured he was just going to have to confront Alexander about it and if he got angry, then so be it.

Just as he was finishing the letter, Alexander entered their room and slowly closed the door behind him. Hephaestion watched him curiously as he turned towards him with a grim half-smile and troubled eyes.

Alexander sighed heavily. "Hephaestion…we need to talk."

Hephaestion fixed him with a hard stare. He was still hurt and angry. "Yes, Alexander, we do."

"You are angry with me…"

Hephaestion gave an undignified snort. "Yes, Alexander, I am. I am also hurt. You have been hiding things from me, which you have never done before. Do you not trust me all of a sudden? Is that why you have stopped allowing me to attend your meetings with Pleurias? Do you no longer need my counsel?"

Alexander shook his head. "No, Phai. That is not it at all. In fact, I need your counsel more than ever now. And you know that I trust you with my life. That will never change." He paused and looked at Hephaestion with sad eyes. "Forgive me, love. I needed time think. I needed time to sort this out before I spoke to you about some of it. I fear you will be unhappy with a few things."

Hephaestion got up and walked over to the window, looking out at the view from the cliffs to the coast below. "Don't you think I should be the judge of that? I am not a child, Alexander. You do not have to protect me from things, if that is what you are doing."

"I know. And I am sorry." Alexander stood behind Hephaestion and laid a hand on his shoulder. "Phai, would you come for a walk with me? I want to talk, but I don't want to do it here. I would like someplace private…someplace where we will not be disturbed. Walk with me, please?" He could feel the tension in Hephaestion's shoulders and felt guilty for being the cause of it.

Hephaestion sighed. "Alright, Alexander. I will come."

****************************************************************************************************

They walked through the complex of buildings beside the city wall and followed a path that led to a secluded spot. It was a small courtyard with stone benches and a view overlooking the coast below. There were torches lit along the path and beside the benches. It was not dark yet, but the sky was beginning to show a hint of red as the sun sank lower over the water.

Alexander sat on one of the benches and patted the space next to him. Hephaestion sat down beside him, his gaze wandering out towards the sea. Alexander poured them a cup of wine from the flask he had brought and took a sip, glancing over at Hephaestion, whose expression was unreadable. He sighed.

"Hephaestion, I know you have been in touch with your father and with Aristotle. Tell me what news you have heard from Pella."

Hephaestion drained his cup of wine before turning to face Alexander. "I know that Attalus is doing everything he can to turn Philip against you. He has the support of Parmenion and some of the other nobles who are all in favor of a pure blooded Macedonian heir. I know, of course, that our own King Pleurias has been stirring up trouble and launched a small rebellion against your father." He paused and eyed Alexander warily. "How much do you know about that, Alexander? Were you involved in this? I hate to even ask that question, but you have concealed so much from me lately that I feel I have to ask. I sincerely hope you are not a part of it, but if you are I want to know."

"I was not involved in it, Hephaestion. You have my word. I was not even aware they were taking any sort of action until after they had done it. Believe me; I was as surprised as you were. Quite frankly, I would have expected him to use me against my father, but he did not do so." He sighed and frowned. "Whether my father believes I am involved or not, I do not know."

"You realize that Attalus is probably using this to his advantage, don't you? He is probably trying to convince your father that you conspired with Pleurias against him. You have to admit the timing of this little venture does look suspect."

"I agree, Phai. I do not know what Pleurias' reasoning was and why he chose this time to do it. He probably thought the same as you that my father would believe I had something to do with it. Perhaps he felt that if my father thought I was involved he would not retaliate with his full force in order to protect me. If that was his thought, he was wrong. If my father thought I conspired against him, he would have slaughtered them all and had me executed for treason for sure. Of that I have no doubt."

"I wonder if he thinks your mother had a hand in it."

Alexander shook his head. "I have no idea. To be honest, I am not sure myself that she didn't have something to do with it. I like to think she would not do something like that but…." He did not finish the thought.

Hephaestion looked at him for a moment before speaking. "There are bigger problems that you face right now, Alexander. I assume you know what I am speaking of?"

"Yes" Alexander said gravely. "Eurydice is pregnant."

"If she has a boy…" Hephaestion paused.

"I know, Hephaestion. Trust me, I know. Attalus and his circle of friends will do everything in their power to make sure that child ends up with the throne someday. I instantly become dispensable."

"You realize that being away from Pella only makes it easier for them, don't you?"

"I do, yes. It presents me with a bit of a dilemma. I am afraid I will appear weak if I give in and go home too soon. On the other hand, I cannot stay away too long or I risk everything. Things are…complicated."

Hephaestion studied his face. Alexander had an odd expression on his face. "Alexander, what are you not telling me?"

"Gods, Hephaestion! I can hide nothing from you, can I?"

"Not really, no." Hephaestion agreed. "Stop avoiding my question. Talk to me."

"Phai, I have received another letter from Pella…one I have not told you about. I was reluctant to do so, but I should have. I am sorry."

"Who is the letter from, Alexander?" Hephaestion smirked at him. "Do I have to wrestle you to the ground and tickle it out of you?"

"You would, wouldn't you?" Alexander laughed. "A few days ago, Pleurias gave me a letter that he was told was very important, at least that is what the courier said. The letter was from Demaratus of Corinth. He has offered to negotiate reconciliation between my father and me."

Hephaestion was surprised. "Have you responded to him yet?"

"No. I actually wanted to speak with you before I did. I should have told you sooner."

"As to that, Alexander, why didn't you? What did you think you were protecting me from?"

He took Hephaestion's hand and laced their fingers together. "Hephaestion, I know this whole thing started out as a huge disaster, but over the last few months you have actually seemed happy. I think I understand why. You have me all to yourself here. We can be whoever we want to be and do whatever we want to do. I admit I have enjoyed that part myself. We never got to spend this much time together in Pella, and I suspect you will not want to give that up. And I was not sure if you knew about Eurydice being pregnant. I did not wish to see you unhappy or make you worry. Am I wrong here?"

Hephaestion shook his head. "No, you are not wrong. I have become used to this, though I tried not to. I have been happy." He smiled softly at Alexander. "Forgive my foolishness. I am selfish when it comes to you."

Alexander pulled him into an embrace and kissed him gently. "And I am selfish when it comes to you as well, my love. Don't doubt that." He nipped at the tender spot below Hephaestion's ear and traced over it with his tongue.

Hephaestion shivered slightly and tilted his head to give Alexander better access. "What are you going to do about the letter, Alexander?" he said breathlessly.

Alexander was busy kissing his way up Hephaestion's jaw line to his lips. "Can we talk about it later, Phai?" he said against his lips. "I think I would like to take advantage of our situation at the moment. Forget about that letter for now."

Hephaestion agreed. "What letter?" he whispered as his lips met Alexander's in earnest.


	10. Chapter 10

Alexander called his companions together to catch them up on recent events both in Illyria and back home in Pella. They all knew, of course, about the failed Illyrian rebellion. Ptolemy had just found out about Eurydice's pregnancy and had not had a chance to tell the others yet. That was not happy news for any of them.

"Does your father think you have anything to do with Pleurias' attempt to gain their independence? I mean, the timing does seem suspicious, don't you think?" Harpalus asked.

Alexander shook his head. "I honestly have no idea what he thinks. I have not had any direct communication with him since we left Pella in the spring. I would not blame him if he did think that, all things considered. I would probably do the same." He paused and looked at his closest friends. "About that, I want to assure you all that I had nothing to do with it. I admit that Pleurias had been pressuring me to conspire with him, but I never agreed to it. I am sure he thought it would be to his advantage to let my father think that, but whatever he thought would happen, it did not go in his favor. He has said nothing to me lately about any of that."

Perdiccas spoke up. "What about your mother, Alexander? You never speak of her, but I know she was pushing you pretty hard for a while. I hesitate to ask, but what is going on with her these days?"

"We have not spoken for a while. I finally told her that if she did not stop pressuring me and trying to play me against my father that I would leave her in Epirus and have no more to do with her. That, of course, did not make her happy…but so far she has left me alone." Alexander sighed. "I have a feeling she is still plotting something, but at least it does not involve me."

"Alexander…" Ptolemy began, "I have only just found out about Eurydice. I have not had a chance to say anything. I think I will leave that chore to you, my friend."

Nearchus, Perdiccas and Harpalus looked back and forth between Ptolemy and Alexander, wondering what the news was. They had a sinking feeling that they knew already.

Alexander sighed heavily and rubbed his eyes. "My friends, it seems that Eurydice is with child. I have no doubt that Attalus and Parmenion are thrilled. I mean, this is their chance to unseat me from my rightful place. How my father feels about all this, I have no idea. We certainly did not part on the best of terms."

Nearchus considered all this for a moment. "And if the baby is a boy…."

"Then we have a real problem" Hephaestion stated.

Ptolemy pondered their situation. "Alexander, in regards to that…I wonder how much of a problem it really is. I mean, if you think about it, your father has spent the first 20 years of your life training you, preparing you to be his heir. Surely he would not just throw that all away for a child who would not be old enough to rule for another 20 years. By that time, you would very likely be king yourself and could deal with the situation as you see fit. Attalus and Parmenion are not young, so there is a high probability they would not be an issue at all at that point. The threat could be eliminated…if you chose to do so."

The others caught his meaning and solemnly agreed that he was right.

Alexander frowned. He did not like the thought of that, but he knew he would do whatever he had to do if the situation arose. "We may be worrying for nothing, gentlemen" he said. "There is another matter I wish to share with you." He glanced at Hephaestion, who nodded at him encouragingly.

"I have received a letter from home. It is from a man named Demaratus, from Corinth. He is a friend of my father. He has sent word that my father wants to reconcile with me, and that he wants this Demaratus to negotiate a truce between us. Regardless of whatever else is going on, it appears at least that my father wants me to come home. If he were truly repudiating me, he would leave me here in exile and simply disown me." He gave them a half-hearted smile. "Things may not be as grim as we thought them to be."

"What are you going to do?" Harpalus asked.

"I have sent a letter back to Pella, agreeing to meet with Demaratus. According to his letter, if I agreed to talk to him, he would come here to mediate some sort of agreement between my father and me. I sincerely hope he does not think of it as my 'terms of surrender', because that is not the case at all. I have terms that he must agree to if he wants me to come home. I will not be the only one making concessions."

"And what of your mother?" Ptolemy asked. "Do you plan on bringing her home as well?"

Alexander shook his head. "That, my friend, is a good question. That is one of the points that we will have to discuss. There certainly is no love lost between them, so we will just have to see what I can work out."

Hephaestion smiled softly at Alexander. "You know we all have your back, Alexander. Whatever you decide to do, we are with you."

"And I thank you for that, my friends. I could never have survived this without your support. Believe me, it will be remembered always." He smiled at his friends. "I suppose that is all I have to tell you for now. I will keep everyone updated as things develop. Let's go and have our supper and talk about less serious matters for a while."

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Alexander and Hephaestion lay in bed, talking as they did every night. It was their quiet time to unwind and discuss the events of the day. Hephaestion lay with his head on Alexander's chest. Alexander was playing with strands of Hephaestion's long hair. Both men felt drained.

Hephaestion sighed. "When did things become so complicated, Alexander?"

Alexander wound a strand of Hephaestion's hair around his finger and thought about that for a moment. "I think the day I was born."

That made Hephaestion laugh, his warm breath tickling Alexander's collar bone. "You know, I don't think I would disagree with that, my prince. Trouble seems to follow you wherever you go."

Alexander tugged playfully on the hair wrapped around his finger. "Ah yes, Hephaestion, but you have to admit living with me is never dull!"

Hephaestion looked up at Alexander and grinned. "Aye, that is true. But sometimes I think I could do with a little 'dull' once in a while! You, my love, are quite a handful."

"And yet you love me. It is my job to keep you on your toes, Phai."

"That you do. So, when will Demaratus be arriving? I know you received a letter this evening, but you haven't told me anything about it yet."

"He will be here in about 5 day's time" Alexander stated. "How long he will be here, and how long it will take to work this all out, I have not a clue at this point. I suppose it depends of what my father is willing to do and what he demands of me in return." He kissed the top of Hephaestion's head and smoothed the hair away from his face. "It has been a long day, love. Why don't we get some sleep? I am tired of thinking, tired of talking, and just plain tired."

Hephaestion leaned over him and gave him a slow, tender kiss. "Rest well, my Alexander. I love you."

"And I love you, Phai. More than you will ever know. Sleep well."

They snuggled up together, and fell asleep within minutes.


	11. Chapter 11

An early snow had begun to fall, and the wind that cut through the mountains of Illyria was becoming rapidly colder. Alexander had gotten word that Demaratus had arrived a short time ago and was getting himself settled in. Pleurias had arranged rooms for him in a dwelling not far from the estate that the prince and his friends occupied. He had gone to meet with the King upon his arrival, so Alexander simply waited for word to come.

He was lying on their bed, reading from the Iliad, and Hephaestion was beside him reading Phaedrus, which always made him smile. His Phai enjoyed reading about the virtues and vices of love, and especially the physical expressions that went with it. Alexander smiled softly. Reading Phaedrus was also Hephaestion's subtle way of letting Alexander know he wanted to fool around.

Alexander leaned over and lightly kissed Hephaestion's cheek. "Phaedrus, hmm? You know, my beloved, that I will have to go and meet with Demaratus at any moment."

Hephaestion grinned at him. "This I know, Alexander. Perhaps I just want to let my mind think of pleasant things. I love the description of love between two souls or, as Aristotle described, one soul in two bodies. Each cannot survive without the other. They are joined, bonded, for life." He touched a finger to Alexander's lips tenderly. "That, my love, is us."

Alexander chuckled softly. "Who would believe you are such a romantic, Hephaestion?" He smiled and shook his head. "On second thought, I don't think anyone would be surprised at all."

A knock on their door interrupted his teasing. On his word, a courier entered and stood and addressed Alexander.

"Prince Alexander, King Pleurias wanted me to inform you Demaratus is ready to see you. He said he would be waiting for you in the council room."

Alexander nodded. "Tell Demaratus that I will be right there. Thank you." He dismissed the courier who turned and closed the door behind him as he left.

"Well, Hephaestion…I suppose this is it."

Hephaestion kissed him softly and gave him a gentle push. "Go, Alexander. I am sure it will work out fine. I will be waiting for you when you get back." They had decided this was something Alexander needed to do alone.

"Wish me luck, Hephaestion." Alexander paused at the door and looked back at Hephaestion. "I love you, Phai. I just thought I should tell you that."

Hephaestion grinned. He thought his heart would explode from joy. "Go on, get out of here."

After Alexander left the room, Hephaestion lay back and stared at the ceiling. He was nervous about the whole thing with Demaratus, but had not wanted to let Alexander know that. He said a quick prayer to the gods that things would go smoothly. Part of him, however, dreaded the thought of returning home.

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Alexander had known Demaratus since he was a boy. He smiled at him warmly upon entering the room. "Joy to you, Demaratus! It is good to see you!" He went to him and embraced him quickly.

"Joy to you, Alexander! You look well!"

"I am well, my friend. Please, sit. I trust your trip was uneventful?"

Demaratus nodded. "Other than that damned cold wind and snow, I have no complaints." He laughed. "This is a fine time of year to be traveling through these mountains!"

Alexander laughed. "Yes, I will have to make a note to myself…no crossing mountains in the snow."

"How are your companions faring? How is our friend Hephaestion?" He had always had a soft spot for Hephaestion.

"They are all well. Hephaestion is looking forward to seeing at dinner this evening."

Alexander poured them both a cup of wine and motioned for Demaratus to sit. They sat facing each other across the heavy wooden table in the center of the room.

Alexander grew somber and spoke quietly. "What news have you from Pella?"

Demaratus drained his cup of wine and poured himself another. "Well, I have some news that I think you will be pleased about. Eurydice had her baby just a few days ago…" he paused.

Alexander frowned. "And…?"

Demaratus grinned at Alexander. "It was a girl!"

Alexander grinned back at him. "That is wonderful news! I am sure Attalus is beside himself. He cannot oust me yet!"

"About that", Demaratus sighed, "your father does not wish for that to happen. The drunken words he spoke at the wedding feast were merely that…drunken words. He loves you, Alexander."

Alexander gave an undignified snort and stood up, pacing behind his chair. "Then he certainly had an odd way of showing it! He called me a bastard!"

"No!" Demaratus said emphatically. "Your father never said that. It was Attalus that made those statements."

Alexander faced him, anger beginning to get the better of him as he relived the events of that night. He had pushed it to the back of his mind these last few months, but now it all came rushing back. "Perhaps he did not, but neither did he defend me to that son of a dog. You were not there, Demaratus! You did not see him laugh at me, or demand that I apologize to him, and to Attalus, for my disrespect. MY disrespect! No matter that Attalus all but called me a bastard and my mother a whore. Why should I have apologized? I had nothing to apologize for!"

"Remember, Alexander, they were drunk. Men say things they do not mean when they are drunk. You know this."

"He disowned me, Demaratus. He said I was no son of his. He threw me out."

Demaratus frowned. "He did not mean it, Alexander."

Alexander slammed a wine goblet down on the table and fixed the other man with an angry glare. "Then why has he not sent for me in all this time?" He paused to consider this. "Why are you here, Demaratus? Why now?"

"Alexander, please…sit down."

Alexander dropped down into a chair, still wearing a scowl. "Fine. I am sitting. Now answer my question. Why all of a sudden does he want me to come home?"

Demaratus sighed. It was obvious it was not going to be easy to convince the angry prince to return home. "Are you aware, Alexander, that your father has been named Hegemon of the Council of Greek States?"

"Yes, I am aware of it. What has that to do with me?"

"I arrived in Pella not long ago, and Philip was discussing the current state of affairs with me. He asked how the various Greek States were getting along, and I told him that I found it odd that he was worried about how they were behaving towards each other when he had such discord in his own family."

Alexander held his gaze for a moment. "So, he sent you out of guilt? Or was he afraid he would look bad?"

"No, Alexander! Listen to me!" Demaratus stated, his frustration showing in his voice. "Your father realized that he had been wrong to send you away, and that he needed to mend things between you. He finally stopped and looked at all that had happened objectively I think. He knows he should not have done what he did."

"He said this to you?" Alexander asked, skeptically.

Demaratus shook his head. "Not in those words, but his meaning was clear." He sighed. "Philip needs you, Alexander. He is planning on sending a force across the Hellespont in the spring, supported by the Greek States, and he needs you with him."

Alexander was not convinced. "Hardly! He has his friends Attalus and Parmenion to support him, and who knows who else. Should I go home simply because he finds me useful? I think not!"

"Gods, Alexander! Philip was right about one thing. You are a stubborn one! Whatever the reason, he needs you, both as his son and his heir, and for your military support, which you have proven brilliantly I might add." Demaratus paused, deciding to change tactics to one he was certain would have an effect. "Tell me, Achilles, will you sulk in your tent while the battle is fought? Will you risk losing Persia to prove a point?"

Alexander stared at him, eyes narrowed, and Demaratus knew his arrow had hit its mark.

"Alexander, regardless of what happened you are his son. You are his only son, at least the only one who is capable of following him. If Eurydice should ever give him a son at some point, you would have already proved your place as his successor. Think about it, you can conquer Persia at his side. The glory would be yours to take, and he would be beyond proud of you! What father would not want such a son to follow in his footsteps?"

Alexander sat, silently pondering all these things. He spoke cautiously. "And what if I do as you say, what if I return to Pella as you ask? What of my mother? I will not leave her in Epirus! She is my mother, and the Queen! What of her?"

Demaratus had hoped to avoid the subject of Olympias, but knew it hadn't been very likely. "I will have to correspond with your father regarding conditions of her return. I know what he is and is not willing to do concerning you. Of her, I will have to see. What are your demands in regards to her?"

"She is, at the very least, to be treated as mother of the prince, and even if he is divorced of her, she should be known as queen. I will accept nothing less. She is not guilty of any of the things he has accused her of."

"Fine" Demaratus stated. "Give me time to send word back to Pella and wait on a response from your father. I am sure we can work this out to everyone's satisfaction."

Alexander nodded. "I hope you are right, my friend. I will wait and see what his response is. I will have to speak with her regarding the situation as well. If we can reach an agreement, then I will have to decide whether or not I trust him."

Demaratus sighed. Alexander was a tough one to deal with. "I can assure you that whatever Philip says, his word is good. He is sincere on wanting to reconcile with you, Alexander. I know him well, as I know you." He laughed softly. "And I know you are both stubborn…but you are both smart. I am confident I can mediate between you successfully."

Alexander rose and shook the other man's hand. "I will await the response from my father, then. Health to you." At that, he turned and left the room. He needed to discuss all this with Hephaestion, his wise counsel. He would give him an objective opinion as to whether or not he was making the right decisions. Truth be told, despite his anger with his father, he really did want to go home. He was not going to share that part with Hephaestion.


	12. Chapter 12

Negotiations with King Philip were slow, mostly because it took several days each way for the couriers to take their messages back and forth. Alexander had also been in touch with his mother, and that took time as well.

Hephaestion sat on the stone bench in the little secluded courtyard where they often met to talk or make love, staring down at the sea below. It was quite cold, and the thick wolf fur cloak he wore did not keep out the biting wind entirely. A few snowflakes drifted down now and again, and the sky was gray and dark, like his mood.

Hephaestion would not have admitted it to anyone, but he was glad it was taking so long. Each letter back and forth meant more time here with Alexander. It was selfish, he knew, but he dreaded having to return home and going back to the way things were before. Having Alexander to himself like this was above all he had ever dreamed. To Hephaestion, it did not matter if Alexander was prince, king, or even just a royal page or a groom in the stables. All that mattered was that they were together and he did not have to compete with anyone or anything for his attention.

He shook his head and frowned, irritated at himself for being so childish about the whole thing. What was he expecting anyway? He knew most likely Alexander would someday be King, and just what did he think things would be like then? He wanted him to be king for Alexander's sake. It was what he was meant for and what he was born to be. The gods had given him enough omens to know that, but that would mean sharing Alexander with the world. His role in Alexander's life would be, out of necessity, limited. Oh, he knew he would always be Alexander's friend and that he would always want his support, but what of his love? The duties of a King often meant making hard choices, doing things you might not necessarily want to do, and often...and unfortunately…hurting the ones you love in the process.

Being put aside was something Hephaestion did not know if he could live with.

He said nothing to Alexander, though he knew the prince was already aware of how he felt…at least some of it. Hephaestion thought Alexander had enough on his mind right now without having to worry about him as well. He knew his primary job was to support Alexander in any way possible, and that is what he was going to do. He loved him enough to put aside his own feelings if need be to make sure Alexander succeeded in his dreams, and he vowed to spend the rest of his life doing just that, regardless of what role he played in it.

It would not be long before this all came to an end here. He sighed heavily. For now he chose to suffer in silence.

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"Things are going well, Alexander" Demaratus stated. "Your father has accepted that you had nothing to do with the Illyrian revolt, which I must admit was a big concern he had at first. Not that he doesn't trust you, but he knew how angry you were…"

Alexander paced the room. This whole process was giving him more stress than he was willing to admit. "Good. At least that part is out of the way. And of my friends? What word does he give regarding them?"

"There are to be no repercussions for your friends, Alexander. He wanted you to know that specifically. He actually said that having such men devoted to you was something to be proud of, and would serve you well later." Demaratus smiled at him. "He did not say it in so many words, but for a King to have such a close and trusted circle of friends is an invaluable thing."

Alexander frowned. "I hope I have made better choices than my father, then. Attalus and Parmenion are supposed to be his trusted friends, and yet look what they have created? Chaos and discord. Perhaps my father should have chosen more wisely." He looked at Demaratus and smiled slightly. "But that is not my concern now, is it?"

"No, it is not. Philip wants you back and he wants you to succeed him. That is all that matters now. Attalus and Parmenion can be dealt with as needed. I think the king sees more clearly now what their agenda is. What is it they say? Keep your friends close and your enemies closer? I think he will keep close watch on those two now."

Alexander nodded in agreement. "And my mother? What has he to say about her?"

Demaratus sighed. Olympias was the thorn in everyone's side it seemed. "You know they don't much like each other these days, but your father has agreed to let her return as queen, at least in name. He wants nothing to do with her on a personal level. That much was clear." He looked pointedly at Alexander. "This he is doing only because you want it. If not for you, he would leave her where she is and ban her from Pella altogether. Again, he did not say this in so many words, but you and I both know that to be true."

Alexander nodded. He knew this was truth.

"That should prove to you, Alexander, how sincerely your father wants you home. He is making this concession strictly to make peace with you."

"I accept those terms, Demaratus. Send word back to my father that all he has said is acceptable. I will send word to my mother advising her of the conditions of her return. She should be agreeable to all of it. I doubt she wants anything to do with him on a personal level either. All she wants is her title as queen, and to be there for me." He smiled at the older man. "It seems we may have a deal here. So long as she is good with it, your work here may be done!"

Demaratus rose from his chair and stretched. "I believe I will retire to my room for the evening. It has been a long day, and I am not as young as I used to be!" He grinned at Alexander.

Alexander laughed. "Health to you, my friend. We will talk more soon."

Alexander continued to sit at the table after Demaratus left, a slight frown on his face. He was pleased with the way things were going with his father, and he was fairly certain that things with his mother would work out as well. There was another matter, however, that troubled him greatly. Hephaestion.

He sighed and dropped his chin into his hands, elbows propped on the table. What to do about Hephaestion. They had not talked much about the negotiations lately. There really had not been anything dramatic to report but above that, he had not wanted to upset Hephaestion by telling him that they had very nearly agreed on their return to Pella. It was certain that their time here was coming to a close, and soon they would be traveling to Epirus to get his mother, and then home.

The ever-stoic Hephaestion tried to hide his sadness, but Alexander knew him too well and could see it in his eyes and in the slight frown he wore more often these days. Gods, how he loved the man. He would have done anything to keep from hurting his beloved, but it was unavoidable. He knew Hephaestion understood this, even if he was not happy about it. His father was right. Sometimes you had to hurt the ones you love the most.

Throwing his heavy fur cloak over his shoulders, he set out into the falling snow in search of Hephaestion.


	13. Chapter 13

Alexander had received word from Olympias that she was prepared to return to Pella. Her letter had not said a lot, but he got the distinct feeling that there was something going on in that head of hers. She was always plotting and planning, and when it concerned him she was like a lioness defending her cub. She would take any action she deemed necessary to protect Alexander from all threats, real or perceived. He admittedly was nervous about taking her home. To say that she and his father did not like each other was an understatement. For as far back as he could recall, they had never liked each other. Now he suspected it was something more akin to hate.

He shook his head. No, that was not something he could concern himself with at the moment. He had to meet with his friends and let them all know that they would be going home. They would all be quite happy about it, to say the least. Ptolemy had been pining away over Thais since their arrival back in the spring and he had worn the poor couriers out exchanging letters with her. Alexander felt bad for him. He knew how he would have felt if he had had to leave Hephaestion behind. That was unimaginable, and he doubted he would have survived it. He depended on him so much for so many things. More, he thought, than Hephaestion would ever realize. More than anyone would ever realize. Hephaestion's presence here had not only made this whole ordeal tolerable, but had made it enjoyable most of the time. There was a part of him that did not want it to end.

Before he met with the others, he wanted to speak with Hephaestion. He had to tell him everything, and he knew the news was expected, but would not be welcomed nonetheless. It was not a conversation he was looking forward to. Hephaestion had been moody and quiet for weeks now, knowing what was to come. Alexander truly wished he did not have to make it worse.

Hephaestion was not in their room, nor was he in the dining hall. One of the guards said they had seen him ride out a few hours ago, so Alexander headed to the stables to see if his horse was there. Upon entering the stable, he found Hephaestion there brushing down his horse and making sure it had feed and water for the night. Alexander watched him silently from the doorway. Hephaestion simply looked sad.

Hephaestion turned and jumped slightly at the sight of Alexander watching him. "Alexander! I did not hear you enter! How long have you been there?"

"I only just walked in. Hephaestion, are you crazy?"

Hephaestion cocked his head slightly. "Why on earth do you ask me that?"

Alexander shook his head. "It is freezing out there, Phai! I don't care how many furs you are wearing, it is too cold to be out riding like that!" He walked to where Hephaestion stood and took his hands in his own. "Gods, Hephaestion! You are freezing! What were you thinking?"

Hephaestion smiled sheepishly. "I guess I wasn't. I just needed some time to myself. Perhaps this was not one of my better ideas."

"No, you idiot, it wasn't!" Alexander chided him affectionately. "Come on, let's get you warmed up." He slipped his arm around Hephaestion's waist and guided him back towards their room.

Once there, he had a servant draw a warm bath. As the bath was being prepared, he sat next to Hephaestion on the side of the bed and pulled a fur around both of them. "Gods, Hephaestion! You are like ice still!"

Hephaestion snuggled into Alexander's warmth and let out a heavy sigh. "I am sorry, Alexander. I did not mean to make you worry over me. I am fine, really."

Alexander snorted. "Sure, you are fine. That's why your lips are blue." He stood and poured Hephaestion a cup of the warmed mulled wine the servants had brought. "Drink this, you stubborn fool." He gave Hephaestion a soft smile.

Hephaestion smiled back in an almost shy manner and then drank his cup of wine. He closed his eyes and breathed deeply. The warm drink felt wonderful going down.

When the bath was ready, Alexander reached out a hand to him. "Come on Phai, we need to thaw you out."

Hephaestion allowed himself to be led to the bath, where Alexander carefully undressed him and helped him into the tub. Hephaestion sank down blissfully into the warm lavender scented water. It was most relaxing. He leaned back against the side of the tub and closed his eyes. A moment later, he felt a warm body slide in beside him and snuggle against his shoulder. Eyes still closed, he smiled and put his arm around Alexander.

"This is much better, don't you think?" Alexander sighed contentedly.

"Mmmmm hmmmm…" was the only response he got.

They sat in comfortable silence for a short time, but then Hephaestion heard a soft sigh from Alexander. He knew that sound. Something was bothering him. He gave Alexander a gentle squeeze and dropped a kiss on the top of his head. "What is on your mind, my beloved?" He had a feeling he knew the answer.

Alexander sat up and turned to face Hephaestion. His expression was pensive. "My mother agreed to the terms of our return. She will remain as queen, but only in name. She and my father will have nothing to do with each other."

Hephaestion nodded. "Just as well."

"I have covered everything with her, and my father, that I needed to. We have agreements from all parties now, including me." He hesitated, knowing Hephaestion would not like what came next.

Hephaestion sighed sadly. "When do we leave, Alexander?"

"In three days. We ride out for Epirus in three days, and from there…home to Pella."

"I see" Hephaestion said quietly. "How long have you known all this?"

Alexander frowned and looked away. "A couple of days. I was afraid to tell you. I knew how you would feel…"

That made Hephaestion angry. He pushed Alexander away and stood, stepping out of the bath. "Damn it, Alexander! I am not a child! I am not fragile, I will not break! Stop coddling me! Just tell me the damned truth from now on, and stop trying to spare my feelings!" He dried off quickly and wrapped a thick fur around himself. He glared at Alexander, who still sat in the tub staring at him. "I am not weak, Alexander. I have been in battle at your side. I have killed more than one man. I have proven myself on the field. I am a man! I expect you to treat me as such!"

Alexander nodded solemnly. "You are right, Hephaestion. I am sorry. I did not mean to imply you were weak in any sense, as I certainly do not think of you that way. To be honest, I think you are stronger than I am." He stepped out of cooling bath water, and Hephaestion tossed him a towel. He dried off and threw a robe around his shoulders. He stood facing Hephaestion, who still looked slightly angry with him. "Forgive me, Phai. Sometimes I wonder if I love you too much." He gave Hephaestion a lopsided grin.

Hephaestion laughed softly. He could never resist that grin and Alexander knew it. "I don't think that is possible, Alexander, for I love you equally. Now come here." He opened the fur cloak he had around him, inviting Alexander into it.

Alexander stepped into Hephaestion's arms and felt the thick fur envelop them both. He snuggled against his chest, feeling perfectly content.

Hephaestion held him close, enjoying the feel of his warm, slightly damp skin flush against his own. "You are forgiven, my Alexander. I know you were just trying to protect me, but you do not need to do that. I am glad you love me that much." He sighed softly. "I would be lying if I said I was excited about this news, though. I have become so accustomed to living with you like this, and I admit it will be hard to give it up."

Alexander looked into the depths of those amazing blue eyes that he loved to get lost in. "I cannot say I want to give it up either. But we both know that we must go home." He leaned up and brushed his lips lightly over Hephaestion's. "We need to go and tell the others the news so they can prepare."

"Yes, we must do that…" Hephaestion whispered against Alexander's lips as he slid his hands down his back and pulled his hips in tight. He was obviously aroused.

Alexander smiled. "Well, I suppose it can wait just a little while…"


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The journey home

It was their last evening there before they struck out for Epirus and they were having a little celebration feast in the dining hall.

As expected, the others were happy to be going home. They missed their families and their other friends. Ptolemy was thrilled, of course. It had been many months since he had seen Thais.

"My friends", he stated, "once we return to Pella, you may not see me for quite some time. I have much catching up to do" He grinned.

The others laughed, getting his meaning.

"Poor Thais!" Harpalus chuckled. "I hope you have sent word to her to keep her strength up. I fear she will need it!"

Ptolemy just smiled and winked. "Perhaps, but I think all of us are in need of a vigorous bought of…love" They all laughed and nodded in agreement.

"Yes, all except for Alexander and Hephaestion, of course!" Perdiccas gave the pair a slight smirk. "I am surprised either of you have any strength left at all!"

Hephaestion stared down at his plate, blushing slightly. After all this time, he still got slightly embarrassed about the subject of the physical side of his relationship with Alexander.

Alexander laughed and patted Hephaestion on the shoulder. "Okay, gentlemen, that is enough. We are embarrassing poor Phai."

In an uncharacteristically bold statement, Hephaestion looked up at them with a sly grin on his face. "As a matter of fact, we have very little strength left. We have had so many 'vigorous boughts of love', as Ptolemy put it, that I cannot even count them. And it was glorious!" He held up his wine cup in a salute towards Alexander and drank it down, grinning like crazy .

The others nearly fell apart. It was so unlike Hephaestion to be that open about such things. All of them were secretly envious of their relationship. To love and be loved so deeply was truly a gift of the gods.

Alexander stood and addressed his friends.

"I cannot begin to tell you all what your loyalty and your friendship has meant to me. I would never have survived this without your support. I love you all, and I will be forever in your debt." He raised his cup in a toast. The others did the same, and they all drank to their friendship.

"My friends, we ride out for Epirus in the morning. I suggest we all get plenty of rest this evening. We will leave after breakfast." He held out his hand to Hephaestion, who allowed himself to be pulled to his feet. Alexander kept hold of his hand. "Health to you all gentlemen. Rest well."

As they filed out of the room, Ptolemy turned to the pair with a smirk. "Aye, Alexander. We will rest well. You, on the other hand…" he looked pointedly at Hephaestion, who winked at him. He turned and left, laughing softly.

Alexander turned to a still grinning Hephaestion. "Do you feel like resting this evening, my love?" His eyes danced with humor.

Hephaestion leaned forward and put his arms around Alexander's neck. "Nope. I don't feel like resting at all." He stepped back and tugged on Alexander's hand. "Take me to bed."

They spent their last night in Illyria doing anything but resting.

Later, though, after Alexander had finally slipped into the arms of Morpheus, Hephaestion wept silently. Their time here had ended.

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The men shared their breakfast with Pleurias and thanked him profusely for his hospitality and generosity. Alexander assured him that his kindness would be remembered, tactfully avoiding the subject of the little rebellion he had attempted. Alexander knew that he had a good relationship with the Illyrians, and that it might come in handy later. The more allies one has, the better.

They mounted up and struck out, heading south towards Epirus. It was cold, and they were all wrapped securely in their thick furs.

Alexander heard the men behind him all chattering away excitedly. They were anxious to return to Pella, and were discussing all the things they wanted to do when they got home. It would be a happy reunion for all of them.

He glanced at Hephaestion, who rode beside him. His face showed very little expression, with the exception of the tiny crease between his eyebrows as he tried not to frown. Alexander felt bad for him. While Hephaestion had missed his father a great deal, he had loved being away with Alexander even more. He wished he could tell him that they could just live together like that once they returned to Pella, but he knew that could not happen. For one thing, his father would kill him. There were other reasons, too. As Prince, he had to keep up appearances of proper behavior and royal dignity regardless of how he felt on the inside. Others would look upon him as weak, foolish, or even less of a man if he lived with Hephaestion as one would a spouse. Hephaestion would be the target of ridicule and spite, more so than he already was from some. No, Alexander could not allow that to happen. He sighed. Sometimes being the prince was not as great as it seemed.

"Hephaestion?"

Hephaestion snapped out of his reverie and looked over at Alexander questioningly.

Alexander chuckled softly. "Where were you just now, love? You were a million miles away."

"I am sorry, Alexander. I was lost in my thoughts."

"Care to share them?" Alexander asked.

Hephaestion smiled weakly at him. "No, Alexander. I am just being silly. I suppose returning home has me a bit on edge, for several reasons." He sighed. "I cannot lie to you. I dread the thought of living alone again. I have grown used to being by your side always, and waking up next to you each morning is truly a blessing from the gods." He sighed heavily. "I shall miss that."

Alexander studied his face briefly. "I will miss it, too, Phai. Don't think otherwise. You know that I wish things could be different. But we will still be together, my love. I will still sneak you into my room as often as I can. Sneaking out before dawn will just have to be our little secret. We have done it before you know."

Hephaestion chuckled. "Yes, I know the routine well." He shook his head. "Enough of that. I sound like a woman, pining away after her lover." He decided to change the subject. "Tell me, Alexander, are you nervous about meeting up with your mother again?"

"Perhaps a little. I know, Hephaestion, that she is up to something. I just do not know what. I am not sure I want to know. I know she is still quite angry with my father, and she is not one to forgive easily."

Hephaestion nodded in agreement. "At least she will still be queen. I doubt she would have returned if that were not the case."

"I am not so sure, Phai. I doubt she would have let me return to Pella without her. She still tries to control me, and I am sure she wants to be there to guard my interests…or should I say…HER interests? Sometimes I think I am but a pawn in her power struggle with my father. Oh she loves me, but…"

Hephaestion said nothing. It angered him the way Alexander's parents both used him against one another. He knew it bothered him more than he let on. He pulled his fur cloak tighter around him and smiled at Alexander gently. He changed the subject again. "We picked a fine time to travel, didn't we?"

Alexander looked up at the sky and the snowflakes that drifted lightly down ever so often. "Yes, Demaratus said the same thing. Oh well, we will be home soon." He gave Hephaestion a sly smile. "In the meantime, my love, I plan on keeping you warm every night of our journey. I have gotten used to having you every day. I see no reason to stop that now."

Hephaestion smiled widely and agreed with him. They still had a couple day's travel to Epirus, then another day or two from there to Pella. He planned on taking advantage of every moment that he could.


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Home again

They had spent only one day in Epirus after meeting up with Olympias there. Alexander was glad to see her, and she seemed genuinely happy to be going home. Hephaestion did not trust her, though he would never say that to Alexander. As they traveled east towards Pella, he had already caught her shooting him the occasional dirty look. She seemed to think he was some sort of threat, like he would displace her in Alexander's heart. That made him smile just a little. He was pretty sure he already had. If Alexander were forced to choose between him and his mother…Hephaestion was quite certain he would win. That, he would keep to himself.

Their arrival in Pella had been cause for great celebration. Hephaestion had been quite happy to see his father. He had missed him a great deal. Unlike Alexander's relationship with his father, Amyntor was loving and supportive of his son, and would never have used him in any way. Hephaestion considered himself quite lucky.

Philip had truly seemed happy to see Alexander. It was a little awkward at first, but then the king had grabbed Alexander and hugged him, exclaiming how glad he was to have him back. There were no apologies said, and nothing mentioned of the events prior to their exile. Their negotiations through Demaratus had taken care of that, and there was no need to rehash it now.

Olympias and Philip had greeted each other formally but coldly and then parted ways.

A great feast was held later that week to celebrate the return of the prince and his friends. The King had the finest food and the best entertainment available. They ate and drank and laughed well into the night.

Hephaestion watched Alexander. The prince was in his element. He was the center of attention among all his friends, and he seemed to have the approval and affection from his father that he so craved. Alexander seemed relaxed and quite happy, and Hephaestion felt a little guilty for not wanting him to go home. This was where he belonged.

Alexander caught his eye and smiled their secret smile. They would meet up later after the banquet. Their trysts had become more secretive, but were still quite often. Neither of them wished to give that part up.

Hephaestion missed living with Alexander, but they were still together so often that his sadness quickly faded as they fell back into their old routine.

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After a few weeks, their exile seemed like a distant memory.

Plans were made for a spring wedding. Alexander's sister Cleopatra was to be married to Olympia's brother, King Alexander of Epirus. There was to be a great celebration with a feast and games. Philip seemed to be looking forward to it.

Eurydice was pregnant again, but Alexander was not overly concerned about it this time. Attalus and Parmenion had been sent with an advance force towards Persia, so they were not there to stir up trouble. Of this they were all grateful.

Olympias was quiet, almost too quiet sometimes. She would sit and watch Alexander with his friends and with Philip, and smile a small, secretive smile.

Through blood and name, Alexander was heir to the throne of Macedon. Olympias intended to see him become King. She would make sure of that. It was his destiny.


End file.
